Increasingly feeling invisible
Banging on doors that remain closed
Battling rejection
Frustrated and borderline morose
Emails and voicemails
That get no response
Wasted efforts
Over years, not just months
Money ‘invested’
Seemingly poured down the drain
Hours spent labouring
Was it really all in vain?
What does one have to do?
To achieve that lucky break?
In the face of such fierce competition?
What the actual f**k does it take?
Is it my sex or my age?
Is it a sign of the times?
Will I ever get paid?
For formulating rhymes?
Will I ever get hired?
To tread again those wooden boards?
Will I ever again be admired?
By someone seeking more than a whore?
Should I have a mid-life crisis?
Delude myself I’m 20 once more?
Wear tiny skirts, platform stilettos
Pour myself into a size 4?
It used to be easy
To magic up a job
To realise an ambition
Opportunities abounded in love
Anything was possible
Gambles nearly always paid off
Now I can’t get a number on the lottery
Let alone five and the bonus ball!
I’m trying so hard
I really bloody am
But I keep hitting walls
Something is jammed
Being 40 odd and female
Is a tricky state to be in
Having neither wed nor bred
And no longer being young and thin
Is it time to chuck in the towel?
Wear tweed and a violet rinse?
For what I’ve got isn’t what it takes
Thought admitting it makes me wince
Should all of us artistic women
Who just can’t earn a crust
In the industry we love
Give up and gather dust?
Should we sulk in a corner?
With bitter, withering souls?
Because we never quite made it
And achieved our goals?
No we shouldn’t
We should soldier on!
Do it the hell anyways
Because it’s what we love!
We suffer for our art
And art imitates life
And life is tough at times
But at least we’re living, right?
And the story isn’t over
There are many chapters to be wrote
And while there’s breath in your body
There’s an element of hope
So don’t give up,
Whether spinsters or sopranos!
We all are potential winners
One day we shall own milanos!
Even if it’s in our dreams
For without dreams we shrivel and die
So fight on to the death
Even If it means that we die trying!
Rachel Rhodes 