You don’t know me
You don’t own me
Still you project
This I detect
You’ve drawn conclusions
Over the years
Contorted delusions
That really hurt
I am not this person
You think I am
I am not demonic
Give me a chance!
There have been lies
There has been gossip
Distorted truths
And I’m sick of it!
It seems to me
Tales have been told
Things said in confidence
Revealed and sold
My trust has repeatedly been broken
By those I trusted most
The skeletons in my closet
Spread like wildfire, it’s a joke!
Gossip is rarely gospel
Rarely factual nor fair
How could I defend myself
If I was not there?
So although we’ve been estranged
For most of my warped life
You seem to know all the bad things
About me – it’s just not right!
You seem to have heard about my flaws
Know every ‘fault’ I possess
You tell me all about myself
Criticise me – I protest!
It seems I’m still the outsider
A pox on the family
Just because I am different
Just because I broke free
But this judgement I tried to escape
For my salvation and sanity
Yet still you seem determined to hate
And STILL you just do NOT know me!
Well, I won’t be dictated to
And I won’t be told what to do
For I do not give a f**k
About the same things as you
If the Matriarch cannot be trusted
To speak the facts and stick to the truth
If when my back is turned
My private opinions are fed back to you
And this volcano then sadly erupts
And our truce goes up in flames
If the tenuous bridge we have built
Buckles under this weight
Then at least I know that I tried
And gave this reunion my all
At least I won’t reproach myself
And drive myself up the wall
I am NOT who you think I am
I resent being played in this way
We seem to have both been pawns
In some twisted game
In a union that perhaps was a mistake
But one that could not be broken
‘Til death do us part’ was the oath
But in practice it caused a commotion
Toxic and dysfunctional
Unhealthy but powerful still
Magnetically drawn together
But to stomach, a bitter pill
And now we’re left in the ruins
Of what was once our home
All we can look to is ‘Moomin’
For Pappa has checked out of this zone
A loved but unreliable witness
Whose testimony cannot be verified
Too many omissions and forgotten memories
Too many God damn lies!
Why do you, mother, feel the need
To be evasive, to conceal?
Isn’t now the time for honesty?
Now that sh*t has just got real?
Has our Father, your husband!
Tragically died in vein?!
Was his sacrifice for NOTHING?
Jesus Christ, I feel ashamed!
For no one is whiter than white
We ALL may have blood on our hands
If this misunderstood, LONELY man
Hit the eject button – can you not understand?
I don’t know what else to say
But I think I’ve seen and heard enough
I feel like I’ve walked into a trap
And quite frankly I give up
Whispering in corners
Plotting in another room
Distracting me so I cannot see
Or hear your voices of doom
For Doomsday is indeed here
This really is The End
I really see no possible way back
It seems we can never be friends
So after the meeting I go
And leave the pair of you to it
I’ll happily again ostracise myself
Because in actual fact you both really blew it.
Rachel Rhodes 