Hair raising times
At Toni & Guy
Went in for highlights
But now I could cry
They persuaded me to go
For a whole new look
“Try balayage!”
But they totally f**ked it up
Now it’s gone all sludgy
With lashings of mud and grey
They left me bloody speechless
But what the heck could I say?
They saw my face
I was mortified
Though I stifled my tears
I could’ve really cried
“Come back next week!
We’ll bleach it, make it right”!
But how do you trust
A crimper that’s shite?
They said he was the best
In the whole salon
Well, he must be colour-blind
He got it so wrong!
I legged it out the door
Down to Trevor Sorbie
They plied me with Prosecco
When they heard my horror story
Said that they could fix it
For £350 quid!
So I downed another glass
Then fled and bloody hid
I’ve never liked the mop shop
Had so many disasters
It’s worse than going to the dentist –
I’m raging in the rafters!
Sobbing into my soup
Wearing a beanie hat
I can never take it off
Or go out and that’s a fact!
So I’m going to retire
And become a proper recluse
Until I’m old and bald
And no longer have hair to do.
Rachel Rhodes 