Wisdom Teeth

Why they call them wisdom teeth

I will never know

There’s nothing clever

About enduring excruciating pain

When these bastards decide to blow

When they flare up

And your nerves are raw

On red alert

Throbbing and taught

You know the meaning

Of true face ache

This agony

Is f**king hard to take

All one side

Of my swollen head

Is puffy and bruised

Like a machete’s been buried

In the left temple

Of my bonse

Like Elephant Man

I’m grotesque and deformed

Sweating cobs

Screaming within

A purple shiner

On my chin

Jaw locked shut

Can barely fit a straw

Impossible to eat

Appetite pretty poor

My putrid tooth’s

Left a gaping hole

That wasn’t packed

So I’ve been climbing the walls

My sadist surgeon

Told me to go to the dentist

He only did half a job

And boy, am I p**sed!

That he could have left me

Without antibiotics

The man’s deranged

Borderline psychotic

Been chomping at the bit

Gradually getting worse

Sleepless nights

Going berserk

No way to escape

Just forced to put up

With the brutality

Of having had my mouth sawn up

The tooth wouldn’t come out

It was impacted so deep

Pressing against a nerve

Paralysis nearly for keeps

He must have yanked

And he must have sliced

He must have dug

And drilled with all his might

And now I am left with

This living hell

When will it end?

Someone ring the bell!

I’ve downed almost a whole

Packet of pills

They make me zombified

And queasy, give me chills

I’m sick of this horror show

I wish it would end

It’s beyond interminable

And driving me round the bend

No silver lining

That I can see

Just burning and throbbing

Woe is me!