Panic stations all around
Out of bed like it’s on fire
Going to Marrakesh in 9 days
And my passport has expired!
Working full time
Easter in between
Only one working day
To go and see the Queen
Tried to sort it all online
Computer says bloody ‘no’
Battling to wake up sans caffeine
But to the post office I must go
Thanking f**k
It’s actually open
Now it’s been privatised
In this case
Flogging it off
Is actually saving lives
Grabbed a form in a frenzy
Blurted out my dilemma
Fortunately the guy on the counter
Helped me keep my s**t together
Panic not, the form’s really easy
Renewal the simplest option
Now get yourself to Snappy Snaps
For some mugshots for identification
Well, I look so rough I want to cry
But time is of the essence
Not enough for slap and a blow dry
When there’s no time like the present
So off I pop with under eye bags
And creases on my face from sleep
I look so rotten I terrify children
As I hurry down the street
She takes my pics in a flash (lol)
This camera sure as hell better lie!
The wrinkles I’ve acquired since the last
Are so savage I want to die
With limp bed hair
And puffy cheeks
I may need a counter-signatory
The girl in the original
Passport shot
Undetectable in the older horror story
I pay the bill all the same
And shuffle off out the shop
I blame the photographer for causing me pain
Not the fact my hair’s like a mop
Not the fact I’ve aged
Well, it has been ten flipping years!
Guess I should consider Botox
And wipe away my tears
Anyway I’m lucky
For I live in the smoke
And Her Maj has a free appointment
On the one day I can actually go!
So I’ve completed the form
As careful as can be
Stumped up the dosh
So the country I can flee
Thus this catastrophe
Has a seemingly happy ending
And I can face my mum
Without having lost all the money we’re spending
On a mini trip of a lifetime
For how flaming would she be?
If we’d paid but couldn’t go in the end?
Because of a ditsy dumb ass like me?!
Rachel Rhodes 