Gone – With The Wind

Good evening everyone

From the bottom of my heart

But pardon me

If I happen to fart

Only yesterday

I had a colonic

And ever since it happened

I’ve been trumping something chronic

Apparently this treatment

Is the answer to my prayers

Aside from the fact

It brought to my eyes tears

A jet wash was inserted

Deep into my rear

And then my arse was lambasted

With water which was queer

A very odd sensation

Uncomfortable too

Like white water rapids

Are raging inside of you

In did it pour

Til I was quite inflated

It seriously gave me cramps

I felt far from constipated

The opposite in fact

Was the desired effect

And intermittently

Did I begin to detect

Through the looking glass

That was trained on the tube

Protruding from my rectum

Little bits of poop

Floating away

Into the abyss

I didn’t know how to feel

Other than physically sick

But apparently this was good

And now internally I was cleansed

I prayed it was over

But she repeated it again

This time using a concoction

Of liquid and herbs

Like I was a teapot

Brewing something hideous

And Lo and behold

What goes up must come down

And once again I passed

Lots of stuff that was brown

Duped was I into thinking

That that was quite enough

But it wasn’t over yet

For she had to pull the plug

And remove the hose pipe

Once and for all

Basically unleashing

Niagra Falls!

I just about had time

To leg it to the Salle de Bain

Before the heavens opened

And a torrent engulfed the can

Now I know what inspired

The phrase ‘to have the squits’

I squitted for half an hour

I must have been full of it!

Whence it all came

I will never know

But apparently I’ll need

Another session in a week or so

And then my tummy

Again will be flat

I’ll lose two stone at least

And diamonds will be shat

For I’ve been purified

From the inside out

It cost me a fortune

But my bowels are in no doubt

That they are pristine

And gleaming like the sun

Which I can now with conviction say

Shines right out of my bum!