Defiance

So much pain to process
So many scars to heal
So much loss and trauma
I wish I didn’t have to feel!

Piecing things together
Trying to recollect actual events
Obscured by their sheer volume
Not everything makes sense

Distraught and disoriented
Way too much has gone on
I don’t know where to begin
Bleeding tears really isn’t much fun

Layer upon layer of anguish
In the last three years
Deaths, detentions, destruction,
Way too much to bear!

I’ve been dragged through the gutter
Almost destroyed and crushed
I cannot stand to think about it all
Because I’m hurting too much!

My self-respect in tatters
My life in bags and crates
Homeless, destitute and despairing
Because it seems I’m cursed in spades!

My mother a victim too
As if she hasn’t been through enough
The only person I can rely on
But loving me is tough!

Due to the fact my life is insane
But I’m only partially to blame
For I didn’t ask to be afflicted
With illnesses caused by the strain

Of choosing the hardest path
After having had to go it alone
Ever since I was 17
When I first left home

I’ve tried so very hard
To make the best of what I’ve got
I’ve really f**king committed
To surviving the school of hard knocks!

But the flashbacks, memories and nightmares
Are plaguing me every day
My stomach churns and my rage burns
Make it stop, please God, I pray!

I’m DONE with this crap – ok?
There is no justice in this world!
Whatever evil has it claws in me
Is determined more sh*t to hurl!

So the proverbial keeps a-coming
Like a continuous firing squad
Testing my faith and resolve
Willing me to just give up!

The authorities continue to fail me
No compassion ever comes my way
The odds seemingly stacked against me
From cradle and maybe to grave!

But if that’s where I am heading
I’m going out with a bang
I’m willing to die on my sword
I really don’t give a damn!

For death doesn’t scare me at all
It’s life that fking sucks When you’re cursed and jinxed like I am You learn to give less fks!

So I WILL soldier on
And DIE before I give up!
In a blaze of GLORY, I might add,
If it kills me – is that understood?!