Toad In The Hole

So having had my first operation

You think I’d be done

With complaining

But sadly I’m not

Such is my lot

If you’ll allow me I’ll do some explaining

For I’m having such a terrible time

With a side effect that’s far from sublime

You see the pain killers the doc

had me on

Have given me the opposite of the runs

Bunged up to the eyeballs am I

Lord have mercy, I hear you cry!

Yet its sad but it’s true

I literally just cannot poop!

The whole of my bowels

Has blocks in it’s aisles

My belly’s inflated

My anus far from dilated

No matter how hard I try

Stuck fast is my dung inside

So they prescribed Lactoluse

To force the traffic to move

But still it won’t budge –

Tell me, WHY?!

All that seems to happen

Is that my stomach constantly rattles

Growling and churning

As I lie tossing and turning

The wind in my willows

Yearning to break free

Exploring every avenue

Of my intestines, regrettably

Needles of air

Dart around my gut

Desperate to be released

But, alas, they’re stuck

With no apparent way out

What goes up just won’t come down

So all this gas literally has

Nowhere to go

So I’m full of woe

Thus in agony am I

As to pump I really try

Pushing and a-squeezing

Desperate to ease this

But the ability to trump passes me by

If I’m lucky I’ll manage a burp

But if I fail, jeez it hurts

Like being ripped apart from within

It’s royally excruciating

Oh, constipation!

Please p*ss off!

It’s been two weeks

And I’ve had enough!

I need to go

I really do

Lord, I entreat you

Just let me have a poo!

I’ve tried in vain

Oh, please have a heart?

Grant me Divine Intervention?

And for Christ’s sake – at least let me fart!!!!

If only I could let it go

No more would there be a toad in my hole

Whether in a church or in a chapel

I’d have finally won this battle!