Wednesday 13th

Wednesday 13th

What a cracking day I’ve had
Shouldn’t have got out of bed
The world’s gone bloody mad
And I’ve a jinx upon my head

First my car gets doubled ended
When I left it with the valet
Because the prat failed to put on the handbrake
To my utter flabbergastion and dismay

And then a drunken skunk
Went right up its poor arse
Sending it hurtling down the hill
Into a post and another car

Almost marmalising
An unsuspecting girl
Simply doing her job –
Welcome to Rachel’s world!

And if that wasn’t bad enough
Things didn’t much improve
When upon buying a bottle of coke
There was another terrifying interlude

When a robber tried to blatantly steal
A pack of Oreo’s and some water
From my local Co-Op garage
And royally got himself slaughtered

By the beady-eyed security guard
Who almost put him in a casket
For he caught him red-handed and was hard
Whacking him with a plastic shopping basket

Biscuits went flying through the air
Suddenly it was raining crumbs
Shattered plastic went everywhere
As I got stuck in the middle of the scrum

Traumatised, I legged it home
You just couldn’t make it up
Shaken but not stirred was I
Some might say I’ve got terrible luck

But every cloud has a silver lining
And though I can’t see it I know it’s there
My nerves may be shot to bits
But quite frankly I don’t really care

Because I’m not liable for my motor
The CCTV has seen to that
Fortunately no one died
In spite of this frightening mishap

And as for the hapless thief
I’m sure his head is literally banging
For he too didn’t get to escape
By the short and curlies is he now hanging

So eventful as this day was
I didn’t actually come to any harm
It sure as hell wasn’t boring
And it certainly passed the time!

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