Everything But…


Packing to go away

The bain of my life

A middle class disaster

Causing me untold strife


Clothes strewn asunder

Can’t see the floor

The bed nor the chair

Can’t even open the door


What outfits to take?

How many pairs of shoes?

Can I live without my protein spray?

Straighteners and moose?


Toiletries weigh a ton

Perfume and deo too

Haven’t packed my undies yet

And conditioner and shampoo


My chum will be lucky –

We’re sharing a case

But what with the kitchen sink

There’s barely any space!


She stipulated ketchup

And I reckon maybe if I’m clever

I can squeeze in some sachets

But a whole bottle? Never


We split the extortionate cost

Of taking proper luggage

Almost the price of the ticket

What a load of rubbish


However it seems

She’s due a rebate

I’ll never fill just half

At this bloody rate


Just can’t travel light

I’m a freakin nightmare

10 flaming kilos

Just on products for my hair!


Then there’s the slap

Jewellery and slippers

And don’t get me started

On the spare pairs of knickers


A skip would be more apt

And a truck to transport

Fingers crossed the plane takes off

With all this crap that I’ve brought


I blame the snake

Who shamed Adam and Eve

Into covering their bits

Instead of allowing them to dangle free


Clothes are an impediment

When you’re a kleptomaniac like this

Next time I’ll holiday in a nudist camp

And bugger the baggage – what bliss!


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